New Year depression

I’m a bit depressed. I got a cat today. Wanted a kitten. Wanted a boy, got a girl, got an 18mth old cat.  She’s very cute. But maybe being a cat she reminds me too much of our beloved family cat who died last year.  I’m a bit depressed I think be cause I 1) got something I’m not sure I really want (+ it’s alittle life) 2) It makes me feel alone to be with something that depends on me 3) I fell very lonely. Maybe it’s PMS – how cruel that something that gives you pain, offers new life (when you’re not maternally inclined) so seemingly has no point but to make you bleed, cramp and be depressed. I’m hoping my pattern of depression during period wll play out in and in a few days I’ll wonder what the big deal was.

Saw Ben Button yesterday. Made me sad to think about the people in my life dying, and me being on my own. I assume I’ll out-live them. I don’t really know how to live my life any different and I’m not sure if I’m living it very well. It’s so small. But I’m doing the best I know how.

~ by gomhead on January 6, 2009.